Being a mother

I love it. But it's not easy. Motherhood. You have so many sources of information and often, they say different things. "This is the best way to do it", "no do it this way", "I did it this way" and then the internet says a million different things and then your books say something else. In the end you find your own way that works for you, but it may take a bit longer.

But motherhood in general... is so awesome! I'm a mother. I find it almost unbelievable to say. Sounds unreal but it IS real. I have a son. The most beautiful little person on earth. Didn't know I had so much love in my heart until I had him. I can just look at him forever. In the very beginning I could just look at him and start crying because I felt so overwhelmed with love and also worry..."he is so perfect and deserves only the best in life. Am I enough? Can I give him everything he should have? Will I be a good enough mother?". I know in my heart I will be the best mother he can ever have as I will do everything possible for him to have a good life. And so will D. He is an excellent father. But we are both still learning and will keep on learning as long as we are parents - for the rest of our lives. The biggest learning experience you could ever have.

The only sad part I still carry with me in my heart is that my dear father never got to meet my son. He would have loved to be a grandfather. He was longing for it. Almost 3 years after his passing, here I am - a mother of a beautiful son. What D tells me is that my father lives inside us. In me, in my brother and in Kai, his genes are present. We can see things in each other that reminds us of him. That is how we should move on.

Today is Valentine's day. I will celebrate it by thinking of everyone I love and how to show them how much they mean to me.