Lost in translation

Sorrow and grief are such complicated things. It is so hard to talk about. Because the feelings are so hard to translate into words if not impossible. Sometimes you feel like there is no use to even try to describe it to someone who's offered to listen but has never been through anything similar him/herself, because it's painful to describe it and it might not get across anyway. So I just say: "I'm OK. Taking one day at the time". It's true, but that is only scratching the surface.

I think I have been through many phases this past year: complete darkness, darkness with some light far far away, happiness that turns sour when I remember reality, destructive behavior and then the zombie mode mixed in between the "normal" days. The "normal" days have been more frequent lately, as can be expected, I suppose. Time heals all wounds... I don't agree. It makes you forget about your wounds. Every day that goes by, you forget about it one more time and for a longer time...but every time you remember that your wound is there - it hurts. It hurts like hell. This feeling is what you want people you confide in to understand but it is too hard to explain, so sometimes you turn to people who you know have been through the same thing. Then you don't have to explain it. You assume they will be able to understand and say what you need to hear. That assumption is not always right. Although someone might share your situation, they might not want to share the feeling with you. To come closer, be each others support. Instead the feeling of sorrow can push close people away, I have learned. This fact makes me feel very lonely on my bad days... It's not that I can't cope on my own, I can and I do. It's just that this situation I thought would bring people closer has actually done the opposite.