Vanity

For those of you who have actually seen my blog before, this will be a big change. Literally going from black to white. The new picture is... well a product of my own vanity. Maybe it's my reaction to turning thirty. Can't really say I have experienced anything remotely of a crisis, but lately I have been reflecting over the topic of age and ageing... I understand the amount f pressure actresses are under and hey - I've never even been close to showbiz. So when I got a very good deal on a pampering session plus professional make up, hair stylists, photographer and, oh yeah, a professional airbrusher (!!!) I was kind of intrigued! 

Me and a friend went for the pampering and photo shoot with the idea that we would only go for the pampering and the experience and then take just the one free picture that was free with the photo shoot. Boy did our vanities play us a trick!! We ended up with more than one picture each and they were NOT cheap, I can tell you. One of them was the one above - but in colour. 

I think it might have been something I would like to keep for the days in the future when my small boobs sag to my belly button and have a wrinkly raisin face and I can tell my grand children: "I know I look like a witch now, but this is how I used to look!!!" and I would get a "wow!" back from them. Not because I think I look so darn good, it's because I expect the worst from my ageing process... I will probably not age well... So the "wow!" would come from the reaction - "what a difference!!". Does that count as a 30 year crisis? In my book it doesn't!

I like!

I saw this door mat once when I was in Sweden with my parents. My dad liked it because it is his sense of humour and since I have inherited the same sense of humour I love it as well. It's on sale, maybe I should get it for myself? It's just one silly thing that is stopping me... As I think it is hilarious and it is an item that is in front of your front door and not inside my house... I'm afraid someone that thinks it's equally funny's going to steal it!! Oh silly me...

My favourite photos

I remember this day in Japan. I was four and a half and it was my first time to try on a kimono. I loved it! I felt like a Japanese princess and posed and posed in front of the camera. Of course I had no idea how to pose in a cute way so I just did what I thought was cool... putting my hands together like a Buddhist priest on the majority of the pictures. This is one of the rare ones my dad managed to snap while I had my guard down... sneaky!!

My grandfather is sitting next to me. He was such a good grandfather and even though he passed away many years ago I remember so many details about him. Even how his clothes used to smell. I liked that smell.

Madrid maravilloso

Although it has been raining a lot during my staty here in Madrid, I must say it is a very beautiful city with a lot of fun things to do and nice food to eat!! Slowly I have been re adjusting to the life before the CFA and it is wonderful not having to study all the time!!

D has been showing me around the city and it has been very nice spending some time with him again. I got 2 (!!) nice presents from Tous because he thought I had done a really good job studying... very sweet!!

Tomorrow it's time to go back to London again. A short but sweet visit! Can't wait to come back here again!!

CFA L2 exam done

I can gladly say that summer has officially begun for me. I went to the exam in Stockholm after a week of studying without interruptions at Mom's place and did my very best. Not sure it is enough but considering how tough this spring has been, I will not kick myself to much if I don't pass. I did everything I could have done.

Tomorrow I'm off to the Spanish capital to see my man. Can't wait!

Madrid, here I come!!!

Special day

Today is your day. I think of you every hour of every day and I do everything I can for you to be proud of me. I love you and miss you so much.

Feliz cumpleaños D!

Going for a retro look. My darling looks good in anything!

Miss you a lot!

Today is a very special day. Not because it's a sunny day in London - it's because it's my handsome hubby's birthday. Today he is 32 years young. But he looks like he just turned 25! I feel bad that I can't be there in Madrid with D today, because I would really like to celebrate his special day properly, but I will make it up to him after my CFA exam. I promise!

Not a single day goes by...

My father loved watching and listening to nature, especially the small birds. And they seemed to be equally interested in him. Every time I see a small bird, I think that if we reincarnate my Dad would be a bird.

...without thinking about the fact that my father is not with us anymore. I thought the hardest thing would be to go through the funeral, but I was so wrong. It was almost easy compared to what is to come - learning to live without him. He has always been there as a part of my life that I always took for granted. I guess that's normal.

I remember the first time I spoke with Dad about death and realised it would happen to everybody - even my parents - I was about 4 or 5 years old. I was so sad and worried and my father told me that I didn't have to worry about now or for many many years to come. "When you are 80 years old - an old lady with a cane - I will still be here 100 years old". Those words calmed me down and I stopped worrying, because I knew that what Mom and Dad said was always right. Those words have stayed with me since then and in some way I always though of them as some sort of promise from my Dad's side that he wouldn't pass away before reaching 100 years of age. Of course, as I got older, I started to understand how unrealistic it was. Very few people live until they are 100, but I still thought... "maybe" in the back f my mind. And now that this tragedy happened, I realised how much comfort I actually took in holding my Dad to his "promise" and almost felt fooled. He didn't keep his promise. Me, an almost 30 year old woman, on some level still believed my Dad would reach 100 years of age... The 5 year old egocentric me is still inside me. I just had no idea how big that part was until this happened.

Saknar dig så mycket, Pappa.

Nerdy Breakfast!

Today I'm battling derivatives

Mmmm.... carbs!

I am proud of being a nerd. Currently I am super nerdy. I study every chance I get, before and after work. I even went on a study date this week to meet up with my dear partner in crime and fellow CFA L2 taker, MC. After having studied efficiently in the library, we went for dinner and a little treat - an ice cream dessert with toffee! We deserved it!!

Today, I have a loooong study day ahead of me. That's why I  have prepared a super nice breakfast for myself. One cup of espresso coffee, 1 toast with avocado spread all over it + Spanish cheese and Chorizo, 1 toast with butter and jam - simplicity is divine sometimes! - a kettle full of energising Ginseng tea and lemon and a bowl of blueberries.Bring on the tough CFA stuff!

My favourite photos

I think I will do as many other bloggers and have some standard categories in my blog. My first new category is "My favourite photos". I will share some photos that mean something special to me. 

The above photo is taken in Japan 1985. I can't believe it was 25 years ago because I still feel like a little girl inside!! :-). I like this one very much as I am with my beautiful mother wearing my favourite dress. And the Mickey mouse ears of course! Not very fashion conscious those days... (I'd like to think I have gained some over the years, but feel free to disagree!)