the most beautiful thing

the two loves of my life having a siesta

...and baby K is growing

K is now 4 months and 3 weeks. So...exactly one month since I last posted. We have had time to do many things since then. The biggest one was to go to Spain as a family. K used his Spanish passport for the first time and it went well. Some tears and screaming because he didn't want to sit down at take off or landing, but apart from that  it was quite pain free. Could have gone a lot worse. It was very nice to be in Spain for us to relax a bit and get some help from K's grandparents and aunties. They were almost fighting over who got to change his nappy. A nice change for us. Me and D even got to go out to a restaurant for the first time since K came to the world. It felt weird almost!

The weather could have been better, but the trip was nice regardless. We celebrated D's birthday with our friends and their babies. So different from previous years when nobody in the group of friends had kids. It was fun!

 K pulling daddy's hair in the grandparents' kitchen

 K sporting a red summer hat to protect him from the sun and trying on mummy's sunglasses

In the plane before take-off

Some pictures from our new home

 Baby K playing on daddy

 Baby K admiring the handsome baby on the other side of the wall

 Bear wrestling

 Chatting with mummy

 Us putting furniture together

Father and son playing video games together on the "sofa" while we're waiting for the real sofa to be delivered

Our baby K is now 3 months and 3 weeks old. He's laughing, shouting and using sounds to express what he wants. Such a big difference from just a month ago! He loves to be pulled up to his feet and be on his daddy when he walks around the flat. Life in our new home is different and we're still not quite unpacked yet, but we like it. The flat has got lots of light and K loves it. He keeps looking out the windows, not that he knows what he's looking at, but he likes it. We are so happy to have more space and light. 

Almost 10 weeks have passed

I can't believe that my little love is already 2 months and a half! Time has just gone by so fast. I love spending my days south him and he's growing st an incredible speed. He weighed 2.8kg when he was born. Now he weighs 5.8kg! More than double! He can also do so much more. He's not that little small lump that can only cry and poo anymore. He's got strong arms and legs and holds himself upright when you hold him. He laughs and smiles, coos and gurgles when you talk or sing to him. He's just amazing, my little boy. I can't believe how much he's changed our lives. Filled them with so much love: the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Forever missed. Never forgotten

It has been 3 years now since you were taken away from us. When it happened iy felt like time would stop completely as life felt impossible without you in it. But time passed and "normal life" began again, although it will never be as it was.

Since then so much has happened: big and small. P got married and I had a beautiful baby boy...

I really wish you were here so you could meet my son, your first grandchild. He looks like me when I was a baby. But I know you can see us from heaven... I love you forever and thank you for being the best dad in the world.

I feel like this

Being a mother

I love it. But it's not easy. Motherhood. You have so many sources of information and often, they say different things. "This is the best way to do it", "no do it this way", "I did it this way" and then the internet says a million different things and then your books say something else. In the end you find your own way that works for you, but it may take a bit longer.

But motherhood in general... is so awesome! I'm a mother. I find it almost unbelievable to say. Sounds unreal but it IS real. I have a son. The most beautiful little person on earth. Didn't know I had so much love in my heart until I had him. I can just look at him forever. In the very beginning I could just look at him and start crying because I felt so overwhelmed with love and also worry..."he is so perfect and deserves only the best in life. Am I enough? Can I give him everything he should have? Will I be a good enough mother?". I know in my heart I will be the best mother he can ever have as I will do everything possible for him to have a good life. And so will D. He is an excellent father. But we are both still learning and will keep on learning as long as we are parents - for the rest of our lives. The biggest learning experience you could ever have.

The only sad part I still carry with me in my heart is that my dear father never got to meet my son. He would have loved to be a grandfather. He was longing for it. Almost 3 years after his passing, here I am - a mother of a beautiful son. What D tells me is that my father lives inside us. In me, in my brother and in Kai, his genes are present. We can see things in each other that reminds us of him. That is how we should move on.

Today is Valentine's day. I will celebrate it by thinking of everyone I love and how to show them how much they mean to me.

The cutest thing in the world

...according to me

Little K is here!

This week was supposed to be my last week at work. Oh boy was I in for a surprise! I worked from home on Monday and was going to do the same on Tuesday but while in bed reading about giving birth, my water broke. We had to go straight to the hospital and confirm it and then we were given a time to come back in case I didn't go into active labour on my own within 24 hours.

I started getting painful contractions and had them all through Tuesday, but it wasn't enough to get me into active labour we found out in the hospital. So I got the hormone drip to get it started and by this stage I had already had the epidural - couldn't take more after 24 hours of painful contractions. A decision I don't regret! Finally I was able to sleep and D too as he had been up with me through each contraction masssging and soothing me. A few hours later, at noon,  we found out things were progressing in a good pace, just 3 more hours and we'd meet our son. Just after 2 hours I felt he was coming... He came out to greet us at 3:30pm on Wednesday the 16th of January - the happiest day of my life.

2012 was a special year

 The most important day of 2012 was when we got this piece of news

2012 was one of the most special years I have ever experienced. I was pregnant most of the year and it almost feels like I can't remember anything before that, looking back. It's like it's the only thing that matters now. The only thing I think about day in and day out. It makes me happy.

The first few months I felt like I was going to explode unless I told someone, but at the same time I felt scared in case things didn't go well. Family were told within the hour of us finding out ourselves, and close friends were told within a few weeks time.

At 3 months (July) we went to Majorca for holidays and told our closest friends there, and weren't we surprised when we were presented with the same news from D's closest friend (the one who did out matchmaking in Dublin) - they are expecting in the same week as us! We were all so happy about the baby boom that was happening within D's group of friends. 5 babies were born in 2012 and 4 more will be born in 2013 whereof 3 are due in the same week! It's almost like the group of friends planned this all together!

It wasn't until the 5th month I felt like I could start enjoying the pregnancy and worry less. I also started feeling the movements of the little one. It was the coolest thing ever. I also started telling colleagues at work as my bump was quite small during this time as well. Everyone has been very supportive and kind at work as well. Around this time I also found out that another colleague of mine was pregnant. So happy for her and her other half as well. For them it's the second one. At this time we had the 2nd scan that confirmed we were expecting a boy and on this day D felt his kicks for the first time as well.

At 6-7 months, time just flew by. My bump was more evident but I still felt great. I was still going to the gym doing mild cardio and some lighter weights and feeling fine. In the beginning of October we went with D's family to Bilbao and the north of Spain. It was my first time there and we were so lucky with the weather. It was amazing. At the end of the month it was time for another first for me: Granada. We travelled there with two other couple of friends. There we weren't so lucky with the weather but we had fun nonetheless and ate so many tapas!

Boom! 8 months! I can't even remember how we got here. We had some friends over in London that made time fly by as well. My bump has started to affect me now. I can really feel how my centre of gravity has shifted. I was expecting to feel this much sooner in the pregnancy but it didn't happen until now. Probably also because I was doing back strengthening exercises in the gym and ate very well - and genetics maybe. Now my feet swell up if I stand for too long and my back aches. Getting tired sooner and having a big appetite are changes that I have felt. For Xmas my mum came over to London as i was not able to travel any more. Me, mum and D had a quiet but very cosy Xmas together. Mum and me went for some shopping and afternoon tea and we went for plenty of walks as well. On boxing day my mum went back to Sweden and me and D had 2 quiet days at home before D's family arrived in time for the new year's celebrations. As they were 5 coming over, it was impossible for us all to stay in one flat and fortunately my close friend M said we could use her flat while she was celebrating Xmas and New Year's in Sweden. She lives close by so it was perfect for us. After a few intense days of shopping with D's family- they absolutely LOVE the London sale shopping, we were both exhausted but happy. We had a good time. However, the energy we spent had to be recuperated and I caught a stubborn cold as soon as they had left.

Pictures by Victor Tse Photography

So here I am now in 2013 on the sofa trying to recover myself from the cold without medicines and just rest. 2012 was such a special year but 2013 will be even more special as our 2 -person family will expand to a 3 -person family. We couldn't be happier!