My little one snuggles up with his teddybear

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K is growing so fast!

I can't believe how fast K is developing and learning new things! I feel it's almost unreal that he was tiny just 5 months ago. I'm trying to memorise all the things he could do and at what age but it's impossible. Maybe partially because I'm suffering from the so called 'nappy brain'and forget things quickly...

Now at 5 months he's such a funny little baby with a sense of humour. Not just laughing at silly things me and D do but also trying to make us laugh. It's so refreshing to hear him laugh and giggle.  The best sound ever. He loves to stand up. He's shown a great interest in standing up ever since he was a month and a half. Now he gets really frustrated if nobody helps him support his own weight on his little feet. I have a feeling that when he starts walking he will be a hurricane. Like his uncle P maybe? or is the restlessness something  from D  maybe? Interesting but I guess well find out later when he starts walking. Can't believe he is almost 6 months and we  will start weaning him on to solids soon! Looking forward to it although I know we'll have food all over the place. That's the beauty of doing this... it's hard work but just a single smile or giggle can make you forget about the hard stuff. Love is everywhere.

Today K found his feet

the most beautiful thing

the two loves of my life having a siesta

...and baby K is growing

K is now 4 months and 3 weeks. So...exactly one month since I last posted. We have had time to do many things since then. The biggest one was to go to Spain as a family. K used his Spanish passport for the first time and it went well. Some tears and screaming because he didn't want to sit down at take off or landing, but apart from that  it was quite pain free. Could have gone a lot worse. It was very nice to be in Spain for us to relax a bit and get some help from K's grandparents and aunties. They were almost fighting over who got to change his nappy. A nice change for us. Me and D even got to go out to a restaurant for the first time since K came to the world. It felt weird almost!

The weather could have been better, but the trip was nice regardless. We celebrated D's birthday with our friends and their babies. So different from previous years when nobody in the group of friends had kids. It was fun!

 K pulling daddy's hair in the grandparents' kitchen

 K sporting a red summer hat to protect him from the sun and trying on mummy's sunglasses

In the plane before take-off

Some pictures from our new home

 Baby K playing on daddy

 Baby K admiring the handsome baby on the other side of the wall

 Bear wrestling

 Chatting with mummy

 Us putting furniture together

Father and son playing video games together on the "sofa" while we're waiting for the real sofa to be delivered

Our baby K is now 3 months and 3 weeks old. He's laughing, shouting and using sounds to express what he wants. Such a big difference from just a month ago! He loves to be pulled up to his feet and be on his daddy when he walks around the flat. Life in our new home is different and we're still not quite unpacked yet, but we like it. The flat has got lots of light and K loves it. He keeps looking out the windows, not that he knows what he's looking at, but he likes it. We are so happy to have more space and light. 

Almost 10 weeks have passed

I can't believe that my little love is already 2 months and a half! Time has just gone by so fast. I love spending my days south him and he's growing st an incredible speed. He weighed 2.8kg when he was born. Now he weighs 5.8kg! More than double! He can also do so much more. He's not that little small lump that can only cry and poo anymore. He's got strong arms and legs and holds himself upright when you hold him. He laughs and smiles, coos and gurgles when you talk or sing to him. He's just amazing, my little boy. I can't believe how much he's changed our lives. Filled them with so much love: the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Forever missed. Never forgotten

It has been 3 years now since you were taken away from us. When it happened iy felt like time would stop completely as life felt impossible without you in it. But time passed and "normal life" began again, although it will never be as it was.

Since then so much has happened: big and small. P got married and I had a beautiful baby boy...

I really wish you were here so you could meet my son, your first grandchild. He looks like me when I was a baby. But I know you can see us from heaven... I love you forever and thank you for being the best dad in the world.

I feel like this

Being a mother

I love it. But it's not easy. Motherhood. You have so many sources of information and often, they say different things. "This is the best way to do it", "no do it this way", "I did it this way" and then the internet says a million different things and then your books say something else. In the end you find your own way that works for you, but it may take a bit longer.

But motherhood in general... is so awesome! I'm a mother. I find it almost unbelievable to say. Sounds unreal but it IS real. I have a son. The most beautiful little person on earth. Didn't know I had so much love in my heart until I had him. I can just look at him forever. In the very beginning I could just look at him and start crying because I felt so overwhelmed with love and also worry..."he is so perfect and deserves only the best in life. Am I enough? Can I give him everything he should have? Will I be a good enough mother?". I know in my heart I will be the best mother he can ever have as I will do everything possible for him to have a good life. And so will D. He is an excellent father. But we are both still learning and will keep on learning as long as we are parents - for the rest of our lives. The biggest learning experience you could ever have.

The only sad part I still carry with me in my heart is that my dear father never got to meet my son. He would have loved to be a grandfather. He was longing for it. Almost 3 years after his passing, here I am - a mother of a beautiful son. What D tells me is that my father lives inside us. In me, in my brother and in Kai, his genes are present. We can see things in each other that reminds us of him. That is how we should move on.

Today is Valentine's day. I will celebrate it by thinking of everyone I love and how to show them how much they mean to me.